NEW YORK (AP) — When Jennifer Austin met Molly in second grade, they hit it off right away. best friend. They laughed throughout the class until the teacher separated them and encouraged them to come up with their own language. They had sleepovers together and went on each other’s family vacations.
However, they gradually became estranged after Austin’s family moved to Germany before the girls entered high school. Decades passed before they recently reunited as adult women.
“Strong friendships last a really long time,” says Austin, 51. “Even if there is a hiatus in between and they disappear, that doesn’t mean they completely dissolve or are forgotten. They always remain like a small light in the background.”
Some of the deepest early friendships were schoolmates who shared bike rides and favorite snacks. My roommate comforted me even after we broke up. Those who know us better sometimes know us better than ourselves.
However, as adults begin to take on jobs and take on home and family responsibilities, stay connected and everyone we loved.
Technology also plays a role. Increased feeling of loneliness Since television was invented and enhanced by its introduction smartphonePsychologist Marisa Franco, a clinical assistant professor at the University of Maryland and author of Platonic, a book about the science of attachment, says:
When people lose contact with friends, some people hesitate to contact them for fear of rejection. But most recipients appreciate the effort more than we could ever hope for, Franco said.
This article is part of AP’s Be Well coverage, which focuses on wellness, fitness, diet and mental health. Read more Hope you are well.
“People enjoy hearing from old friends and are open to connections,” she says.
Franco suggests reminiscing about shared memories across time and distance. It can be something as simple as, “I noticed this photo came up and I wanted to check up on you.” Suggest a meeting. If your friend lives far away, try scheduling a phone date to catch up.
Below are 6 people who tried to rekindle the flames. lost friendship Reflecting on distance, loss, and reconnection.
the missing part
Heather Robb and Layne DiPascantonio were almost inseparable when they were both living in Boston in their 20s. They went to concerts and vacationed together. DiPascantonio was there when Rob met her future husband and attended his wedding as a bridesmaid.
However, their circle of friends scattered some time after Rob got married and DiPascantonio moved to Colorado. They became busy raising children, juggling work, and caring for aging parents.
“It’s scary because we don’t know what’s going on,” Rob, 60, said in a joint interview. “I think it was just space and time. We were all in different cities and going through the busy stages of early childhood.”
Years went by, with the occasional holiday card or text message, but very few meaningful interactions. DiPascantonio saw photos on social media of Rob skiing and traveling with other friends. “Even from a distance, I couldn’t believe there was so much space for me,” she said.
“Oh, I feel bad about that,” Rob replied. “I would argue that’s the bad side of social media.”
While Robb, president of Heather Robb Communications, was on a business trip to Denver in April, the women found their way back to each other. She called to ask if DiPascantonio wanted to have dinner. “I didn’t know if she would be so happy to hear from me. In fact, I was a little apprehensive about reaching out,” Rob said.
That’s when Rob learned that his friend was undergoing surgery for breast cancer. Mr. DiPasquantonio, an employment specialist at Harmony Senior Referrals, invited Rob to stay for the weekend in exchange for meeting him for dinner. A mutual friend flew in to join them.
“I was so tickled because you called me and you wanted to get together. It was awesome,” DiPascantonio, 63, said in an interview. “What took you so long?”
They have remained close ever since.
“I feel really good. I feel like I was missing something,” Rob said.
just do it
So did Reyna Dominguez, 18. best friend From 1st grade. But when Dominguez moved from Long Island to Brooklyn, her friend started attending college. Dominguez started working at a salon, but her schedule didn’t work out. About half a year has passed without contact.
After graduating from cosmetology school, Dominguez sent a message to a friend to share the news.
“I was a little worried that she wouldn’t respond, but she did, so I was very relieved and happy,” Dominguez said.
We now keep in touch about once a month and are planning to meet up again in the future.
“It’s important to stay in touch. It can feel lonely sometimes, like you don’t really have anyone to talk to,” Dominguez said. “But in her case, she knows everything about my life.”
Dominguez urges anyone thinking of reaching out to an old friend to go ahead. “I say just do it. You have nothing to lose,” she said. “I think the worst thing they can do is not respond to you, but I think you’ll still be happy with the idea that ‘I tried.'”
I’m nearby
Andrew Snyder’s best friend since fifth grade lives within a plane trip, but they still can’t keep in touch. They call or email at least once a month and meet several times a year.
Snyder, 50, who teaches philosophy and economics in New York City, said the two have visited each other’s homes at key points in their lives, “so when they talk about things, they can actually understand.”
Living in different cities means having to work to stay connected, but that’s important to Snyder, who feels friendships are fading as people spend more time on their phones.
“Building friendships, cooking your own meals, exercising, spending time outside, these are things that used to be part of real life, but I think they’re all disappearing now,” Snyder said. “I don’t think the real issue is time anymore. I think the real issue is the feeling of overwhelm and exhaustion that everyone is feeling.”
no regrets
Kim Ventresca, 22, became estranged from her best friend while attending college. She reached out several times and reached out again when her friend was going through a rough time. But when Ventresca faced mental health and relationship issues, they stopped speaking again. Eventually, the other young woman told Ms. Ventresca that she no longer wanted to be friends.
“Now that I have new friends, I feel like I’m probably better because things happen for a reason,” she said. “I hope she’s safe and doing well.”
Ventresca, who works as a social media manager and receptionist in New Jersey, said she still encourages people to reach out to missing friends, even if it’s uncomfortable.
“The worst thing that can happen is that it goes ‘marked as read’ or is delivered or rejected,” she says.
secret language
After Austin’s family moved to Germany, she didn’t see her childhood best friend again for 20 years until they met by chance on a New York City subway platform. They briefly reconnected, but lost contact again.
Molly’s visit with one of her children to a college near her home in Austin in 2021 provided another opportunity to renew their friendship. They have remained close ever since.
“At that point, something changed,” said Mr. Austin, owner of Kindpoint Communications. “Things really picked up and we basically said, ‘Let’s keep this momentum going. Let’s not wait another 20 years.'”
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